The beginning

I’ve thought about starting a blog for a very long time, both for the cathartic properties of writing, and the cathartic process of sharing.  I’ve just never had the courage to take this leap.  I recently applied for a job, and a part of the application process was a request to write a few pages about who you are.  Not why you want the job, not what they can expect from you, but truly, who you are.  I’ve never had an easy time opening up, but I just went for it, and I loved it!  So I figured that now is the time.

So, who am I?

I’m a mother of an inquisitive 6 year old (7 on Friday) named Bella.  She was named after my Granny, Isabella Ball.  She and I were very close, and I always knew that if I had a little girl she would get that name.

I’m a wife.  My husband, Trent, and I will have been married for 12 years on August 27th.  It both feels shocking that we’ve been married that long, and that short, a period.  I love the man more today then I did on our wedding day.  I know that’s a cliché, but it’s also true.  Don’t get me wrong, he frustrates the hell out of me sometimes, but at the heart of it, we compliment each other perfectly.  We are truly better together.  He sees right through my anxiety and the mask that I often wear.  He has an amazing ability to “logic me out” of my crap.  He’s also an amazing father.  He loves life, and he strives to teach our daughter to as well.

I crochet.  A lot.  I crochet gifts, sometimes I crochet just for the sake of doing it.  Sooner or later I’ll have to start selling my creations to support my habit.  I’ve got Barbie dresses, hats, scarves, blankets and  baby booties galore.

I also read a lot.  Right now I’m reading The Night Circus, which is just stunningly written.  It’s a beautifully told story and when I’m reading it I am immersed.

I’m pretty close to my parents.  They live in the same small town as me, and I love that.  They’re the right mix of present and involved while leaving us our space – I can’t say that I’ll achieve that balance as my daughter grows!

I’m also someone who struggles with anxiety.  I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD).  I’ve struggled since high school, and first sought treatment in university when it got really bad.  I hate it, but am trying to learn to be ok with it.  It means that I overthink everything, and I mean everything.  I put on a mask and generally appear to be reasonably logical, but inside I’m holding onto a tight control of everything in my life, and it’s exhausting.  It also means that when it gets to be to much I move into depression.  I wound up being on sick leave for 7 weeks last year, and I hate to say that I was embarrassed by that.  I didn’t like my co-workers knowing that I was struggling, but I needed to do it.  Now I try to be a little more open with myself, but in reality I’m  faking it.  Most days I do get a little bit better, with the help of therapy and medication, but sometimes I still back slide.  I’ll talk periodically  about the whole process here, but for right now I’m leaving the topic there.

I’m going to leave you with that today.  Thanks to anyone who read this, though I don’t really expect that anyone will!